I grew up in a family of what if’s.
How can you wear that socks? What if you are in an accident? How can you go dressed like that, what if people see you in the road? How can you drive so late, what if you are in an accident? WHAT IF……..
It drove me mad, yet it stuck and replayed always whenever I tried something. My way of coping was to ask myself…..
That 2 words helped me out of the “what if” mentality. I mean “so what” in the sense of “so what if I make a mistake I know they care”.
But the words had to come from something deeper.
And it got me thinking. There are usually 2 driving forces at work behind most of what we are involved with these days. Both have the same goals (mostly) but very different approaches.
Fear and Love, I know it sounds so cliche’ but it really does seem to provide a way for us to do something. Whether we pick up the dirt for fear of the consequences (a dirty yard, authorities,etc.) or whether we pick it up for love for our significant other, parents, flat mates, house mates……. we still end up doing the same action.
But the journey there is so much different isn’t it?
When we are doing it because of fear we do not need much more coaxing and fear alone can get us to do it.
Whereas when we are doing it in love, well the driving force is so much different.
And the characteristics for the two forces are opposites too.
FEAR : Respect enforced, Forced actions for fear of consequence, your opinion not relevant, your personality not really accepted or taken into account.
Most companies hold the salary as a ransom to control your behaviour, please do not tell me that they care about you if they operate that way. They are using fear to get what they want.
LOVE : Now love is very different and the same actions sometimes unfold, but its a longer road. People don’t trust and love easily. Its not like fear is it… You cannot just tell people “I love and care for you” and poof you get instant results…
You have to nurture that environment, you have to respect the people in entirety.
Believe me its easier to get people to fear you and get results. Its not so easy to work with people and develop an atmosphere of mutual respect and love for each other.
I also would warn you that its so very subtle and we do not know the driving force behind our environment so easily.
Maybe “What if” or “So what” can guide you….
thehonestone
Its the same in most Afrikaans famalies: “Ja maar wat as- bla bla bla bla”
I am totally a “so what?!” person…… 🙂
Great stuff, we need more “so what” people in life….
I love this!!! Fear and Love, two very powerful driving forces, and we have the choice of chosing either one at any given time! I like what you say about how fear is used almost as a means of control in the workplace, this is something that i totally rebelled against since i started “working” and i could never understand it and i didnt like how it felt. Thanks for this, brilliant writing!!
Thank you
what if someone in your family reads this post and feels offended because you said you lived in a family of what if’s?
😀
What if……you were in the same family and only asked the what if, because you came from the what if family?